Paul

I know I'm not supposed to drink on my medication but as soon as I got to the party somebody handed me a margarita and as a reflex I sipped it. It was good. A sip, I thought, what can it hurt? Not even a mouthful of margarita, what's it gonna do, make me start hallucinating?

"Yes," said a green-tongued Boris Yeltsin torso on a steel spider apparatus, "it is." He then rocketed through the roof in a shower of golden sparks.

I tried to say "Oh, snaps," but the words came out as colors. Magenta and puce, to be precise.

The fifty or so people on the dance-floor merged into a heaving mass of blue Jell-o with sperm whales swimming through it, then one of the sperm whales swam into an egg-timer, creating a zygote that gestated into a Cosmic Baby Whose Name Was Truth instantaneously before my eyes, and just as the Cosmic Baby was about to be born and save the planet from hang-ups, it dissipated into fifty or so people on the dance floor, none of whom were dancing anymore. They all seemed to be staring at me.

I tried to say "Magenta and puce" but the colors came out as numbers. Pi and infinity, to be precise.

I was sure they were staring at me but once I remember people have eyes on the front of their heads, not the back, I became reassured that they were in fact staring in the opposite direction. But still not dancing. "My bad," said the Voice Of God, and colors began pumping from the speakers again and once again the people merged, this time into pudding, perhaps because the song was a slow jam.

At one point a ninety-eyed feminine creature told me a story of the time it ate peyote in Beck's furnished basement, then it turned and held up its middle finger, which divided into multiple hydra-heads which were cut down by tiny silver knights only to grow back with two heads replacing each one that had been cut, until hydra-heads had enveloped everything and there was a blinding flash of light.

I tried to say "Pi and infinity," but the numbers came out as vomit. Luckily I was near a trashcan and after that I felt a lot better.

My name is Paul, and I Keep It Fun.